how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
