I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
