1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
