if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
