i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she told me i tasted like america
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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