I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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