ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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