the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize