On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
