I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
