LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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