OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
operation have a gay friend backfired
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
