Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
