don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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