11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
