Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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