I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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