whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
