If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
