shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
