She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize