I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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