Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
