While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
