He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
