You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
