No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
