Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
