i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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