Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
