we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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