We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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