I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
