My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
