Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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