where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She said her name was "party"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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