2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
