Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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