I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
