There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
