there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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