Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
