A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
