Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Randomize
