Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We talked him into tasing himself.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
