weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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