Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
