i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
