sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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