There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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