im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
