So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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