My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just high enough for therapy.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize