My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
