That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
