We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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