A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
