I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Randomize
