I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
