is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
