this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize