It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
