I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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