you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
vagina is talking i cant
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize