Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize