If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
