I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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