she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
