you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
