Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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