loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
