my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
