Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
