I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
