i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
