the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
