Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
