that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
