I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm at about main and main street
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
