Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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