just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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