All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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