I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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