Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Randomize
