Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
