Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
