Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
