Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
