we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
