on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
