Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
