idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize