: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
