There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Randomize
