she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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