nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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