I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
